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Holy Colonics!

Updated: Nov 26, 2020

Image by @dariusbashar

It was never on my 'to do' list I'll be honest, but for some reason, with this year being the year of global bullsh*t and everyone throwing their personal sh*t around at each other as well, I figured it was as good a time as any to do a deep cleanse.

And it doesn't get any deeper than a colonic.

My experience with colonics has so far been fabulous I must say. I noticed the difference immediately and now, after completing my first round (three sessions over as many weeks), I am noticing increased energy, glowing skin, the darkness under my eyes is lifting and even my belly has flattened. Overall I have the sense of being 'toned' on the inside, not to mention the obvious, more regular and healthier, "number twos". All in all, money well spent.

So what is a colonic and what is involved exactly? Let me give you the scoop, on the poop.

The technical term is "colon hydrotherapy" and it is quite different to an enema (which can be performed at home by the more adventurous). There are two types of colonics - the pressurized version and the more gentle, gravity-fed approach. I chose the latter and I can tell you, I couldn't imagine having anything else. The last thing anyone wants in such an intimate situation, is feeling like they've got a hose blasting up their backside.

The colon cleanse has been used throughout history to support the body’s natural detoxification processes, restore digestive health and improve overall quality of life. In fact, the use of water to cleanse tissue throughout the colon - called “colon lavage” - has been practiced since as early as 1500 B.C. in ancient Egypt. Slightly different to the moisturizing milk baths that Cleopatra supposedly languished around in, but basically it's the same idea, just hydrating from the inside. So how did they start? Maybe an orgy got out of hand one day at the palace? No, seriously, the ancient physicians knew toxins damage the blood so they developed the practice to decrease them in the gut before they entered the bloodstream.

I bet you'd love to see the corresponding hieroglyph.

Colon cleanses were also very popular in ancient Greece, but that really shouldn't come as a surprise when it's rumored that the Greeks coined the phrase, "Men are for pleasure, women are for procreation." You might need to read that sentence twice before it sinks in.

According to the ancient Asian sages and Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), the colon (also known as "the Minister of Transportation"), plays an important role in our digestive health and reflects the state of our immune and respiratory systems because it is also connected to the lung channel. The main function of this metal governed organ, is to literally let go of rotten food and wastes as well as purge old and stagnant emotions and because of the link to the lungs, it indirectly affects our skin, breath quality and capacity and immune integrity.

In contrast, the Yogic science of Ayurveda believes that colon cleanses aren’t so much about enemas, but about diet. This holistic system recognizes three basic physical and emotional types called "doshas", which are Vata, Pitta and Kapha. Most people have a primary dosha with elements of the two other doshas mixed in, making it wise to seek guidance from a trained Ayurvedic Doctor and not try and self diagnose via Google. According to Ayurveda, if we keep these three doshas in balance, we will maintain healthy digestion, which in turn will keep our colon clean.

When the large intestine is functioning well and peristalsis is cracking along as it should, contracting, expanding and sucking out nutrients like the machine that it is, we are less likely to feel attached to our own (and others') stories, overly opinionated, distracted by all the various shades of 'crap' that goes on around us and more tolerant of others with differing points of view. So you can see why I am advocating colonics at this point in the game because this year we have certainly witnessed - and participated - in some less than light and loving behaviors. We have all been handing our garbage around to some degree and that just isn't energetically responsible. Or conscious.

Perhaps we all just need a really good rinse out.

As a hands-on energetic practitioner, it is vital I keep myself clear and strong on all levels of being, hence my initial inquiry into the realm of rectal remedies. As healers, we have a tendency to absorb other people's baggage and regardless of whether we diligently protect ourselves, some things always sneak in and get packed away. To be blunt, we take on their sh*t and if we don't empty that closet regularly, we are going to get bloated up and bogged down. Thanks to the plethora of pollutants in the air, the water, our food and the environment, very few people are able to cleanse fully and to the depth needed in order to maintain optimal health nowadays, especially living in built up cities and suburbs and bombarded by stressful conditions 24/7. We all need a helping hand once in a while and I believe colonics are the perfect buttress therapy - sorry, couldn't resist that one - to help us dump all the energies and dramas that we have accumulated on our own, as well as on behalf of others.

It's the ultimate practice in surrender as you let go of all that no longer serves you.

So here's the lowdown on what goes on down there and yes, you are going to have to get over any phobias you may have around defecation and this part of your body and just trust you are in the hands of a hygienic professional. Colonic therapists have seen it all, don't worry. Nothing surprises them. I'm sure it's much like being a gynaecologist; once you've seen one, you've seen 'em all.

Treat it as a spiritual experiment, one worth doing for the sake of your gut.

You will have to remove your pants and underwear obviously before covering your modesty with a towel. You can expect some initial slight discomfort as a small sterilized speculum is inserted but take comfort that Vaseline will be involved. It is also aroma-free. You will start laying on your side and then perhaps moved onto your back so your therapist can massage your belly and assist the movement and evacuation of waste. This actually feels quite relaxing, although if you have chronic congestion or embedded blockage in your ileocecal valve (that stops material flowing back into the small intestine) or the sigmoid valve (closest to the rectum and anus), that might be temporarily uncomfortable. Essentially, it feels like you are going to the toilet yourself, but without the need to push. The gravity fed (filtered) water and your gloved therapist via the massage, are draining the colon for you.

This might present as more of a psychological hurdle for many people because it's not dissimilar to the feeling of 'wetting the bed' - even though all waste leaves discreetly via a tube that you don't have to look at - and we are all obviously toilet trained to hold on and not relax and relieve ourselves anywhere but on the loo. You get used to it however and once you start feeling the congestion subsiding, all traces of embarrassment dissolve.

If you've seen the film "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels", you'll remember the scene where Steve Martin's character, "Ruprecht", asks if he may go to the bathroom whilst sitting at the dinner table. When he is granted permission, he just sits there in his seat with a suspicious smile on his dial and it quickly becomes obvious to the others, that he has just relieved himself right there. It's a bit like that, minus the comedy.

The whole process is over in about 45 minutes and your sphincter is no worse for wear don't worry. The tube is then gently removed and you are left to sit on the lav for as long as you need to allow the excess water and waste to release and to recover your sense of dignity (if you feel you have lost some of it). You may feel to cry or even laugh as the absence of all the internal pressure you've been holding in, suddenly becomes apparent. It truly is a blissful sensation.

Afterwards you are told to hydrate, hydrate, hydrate and to be aware of what you eat. I started a cleanse after my first one which included a morning green smoothie, avocado on sourdough toast for lunch and steamed green vegetables and rice for dinner. No meat, no dairy and definitely no chocolate! Interestingly enough, I didn't (and still don't) have the urge for any naughty treats all. Nada. I feel completely reset on the inside and this has translated into a clearing of any residual bad habits (mentally and emotionally) as well. I also noticed during the course of my treatments, that a lot of old unresolved anger and grief came up and I caught myself out on several occasions being more reactive and judgmental that I normally would be. Now, since the sessions, that vibration and those energetic lures have completely gone. I feel more centered in my heart and anchored in my spiritual adult self.

I have a new found respect for my colon and am committed to loving it more than I have been.

In 2020, it is estimated that 15,494 new cases of colorectal cancer will be diagnosed in Australia (8,340 males and 7,154 females) and I don't intend to be one of them. Not that any medical concern was motivation for my colonic journey, but it's good to know that I have now given my bowel the love and attention it deserves and that it needs to stay healthy. I have also ramped up all my spiritual practices and invoked higher layers of protection to ensure I experience and manifest more discernment, on all levels.

If you've been on the fence about this kind of body work, maybe it's time to hop off and hop to it; unless of course your doctor advises otherwise because too many can have an adverse effect on your parasympathetics apparently. If you're up for having more clarity, better sleep, calmer nerves, clearing parasites, rectifying dehydration or reversing the effects of regular medications to name just a few benefits, I highly recommend them.

With that said, having a tube up your bottom once in a while, could turn out to be the best thing you have ever done for yourself and who knows, it might even be the start of an unexpected love affair.

Bottoms up!



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